Haha. It's true. On the 16th of August I went for a job interview & left with my uniform. Hence, I got a job!

That's the other reason why I've not been able to post a new blog- because I've been so tired & so busy.

I'm full time working 5 days a week 6 or 8 hour days. Mmhmm. BAWESOME! God is good! Hope you are, too!

Love, Hanz.

 

Well this last week or so has been quite interesting I guess you could say.

 

Jobsearch training is turning out to be quite alright & I have been for 2 interviews this week & another 1 tomorrow.

All I can do is keep trying, as much as it irritates me.

 

I've also, suprise! Got myself stuck into jewlery making while watching TV or just generally, & love it. I've brought

a few of my own beads and made a number of different things already- even some sets of jewlery! Pretty cool.

 

Anyway, I'd best be going now!

 

Yes I know, short blog, but if I wrote any more most people would just skim the contents without paying personal attention!

 

Oh-I'd just like to say I dislike facebook. :) MSN and Myspace all the way! Facebook- STOP emailing me! LOL.

 

Love to all! 

For an unemployed person I sure have been busy the last few weeks.

As an announcement I would just like to say that you may or may not have noticed that there is now only ONE photo album left on this

blog - it is not because I dislike the photso I deleted, but rather, precautionary measure to ensure the safety of friends & family. (And also

because they were old & taking up space on the computer :P). However, the one that is left, the PY one, is up there because the album is huge, & I wish to deal with the others that I saved, first. But I'm pretty sure that the PY album will be staying permanently on this space.

 

Now, I would like to say that my 20th birthday came & went, & was quite enjoyable. And no, I don't feel that much older! Thankyou to everyone for everything that made my day special. I was spoilt- went shopping, ate a lot of food (LOTS of food- almost like my own buffet!),

& had tea with the family & went to Bible Study that night- where I was suprised with another Birthday Cake!

 

Mum's 50th went extremely well & I was very pleased with it - everyone loved it! I just can't believe it's all over now.

 

I have started my 3rd round of jobsearch training, which is keeping me very busy 4 days a week, which is good, but hard to get

used to- I have a few job interviews coming up though, which will be excellent! :) I've had my up & down days, that's a given, but

am trying to keep my chin up.

 

Saw the Simpsons movie on Tuesday night- it's awesome & I recommend it to Simpsons fans of all variations...so funny!

Also- stay during the credits! ;) There's extra stuff included!

 

Luv,

Hanz.

 

(First things First- Happy 20th Birthday to Kirsty- My friend for 10 years!).

Two years ago today I was left open mouthed with the realization that today would have been my last day as a "Child".

I write this blog today realizing what day it is, & ultimately, realizing that this is my last day not only as a teenager, but

also as a "Child" in the eyes of the world. Whilst I will remain a Child in the eyes of many people (by the technical sense),

Tomorrow I wake up in the label of "Adult"...& that's what I find interesting in every sense of the word. Where does time go?

 

I'm not really sure what to expect from life, but I guess nobody ever really does. I had it "planned" somewhat, & naturally

God has come in with his own agenda, leaving nothing to me how I first thought it would be. It is with curiousity, fear,

anticipation & a tiny bit of disbelief that I stick my head around the corner today, ready to close the last page on this

time of my life. I'm looking foward to 20 a lot more than people might realise, & I think a lot more than I realise, myself!

 

I look back on the past 7 years & remember how much I wanted to turn 13 :P I see the good times, the bad times, the

lessons learnt, & the people who have come & gone, & those of course who are still here with me! I see what I have got

in life & how it (among other things, of course) has helped me grow into the person I am today (Even though there's a

whole lot of improvement to go :P). I know the difference between right & wrong, I have my own moral stand & process

of thought. I am my own person, I'm God's. I sit here typing this and have a smile on my face trying not to laugh both

at my blog entry & my own priceless stages of development :P I hold some regrets, but at the same time I regret

nothing, because I know it has helped me grow up & learn different things. I think I'm pretty satisfied with how things

turned out for my teens, & I think Mum & Dad are too. Overall, I was a good kid & I will strive to not screw up adult life

too much! Haha.

 

I close this blog off with one final mesage: Beware, Adult world, for you know not what is about to hit you! :P

 

Love to all, & thanks for putting up with me for the past 19 years and 364 days :P I mean it! Life wouldn't be the same without you.

 

 

 

 

 

So last Friday didn't turn out to be the average Friday. But then again, Friday's never really do around here- the friday before was just as eventful with a blackout as the friday that followed. Friday the 13th, not that I am Supersticious, would have freaked anyone out with its

coincidence, but I know better than that. About 2pm My sister came running down the stairs (or more like fell down them) panicking.

The rest of us were sitting around having a late lunch or whatever & instantly she got us suspicious. To cut the story short we went outside

to be greeted by a neighboring house on fire (full force). My sister rang the police & by the time we got out there the house was well & truly alight & there was nothing we could do. The usual chaos brought by fire erupted & soon news crews & half the suburb were in our street, as well as police & fire brigades & all the usual. We were outside for about 6 hours. The cause of the fire is unknown but the resident's in a critical condition....and trust me, some of the sights I saw that day weren't ones you wish to keep. I didn't sleep well for about 4 nights after it. Took some home video & it appears in a few of them that you can see the trapped resident...although I'm not totally sure about that or if it's just me. Our house is fine, it managed to get to 4 others though. Bit of smoke inhalation but we were fine & still are.

Final preparations for Mum's day are going well- yay for that!

I went with Amanda & Dad to go to see the new Harry Potter Movie today, & the cinema wasn't that packed which was great!

I think the fact it wasn't School holidays, & it wasn't night time, had something to do with it! :) I quite enjoyed it - I always do!

Harry Potter Movies have met and exceeded my expectations from the Novels...athough now I am realising there's only 1 more

book to go! Just one! It's been interesting growing through my teenage years with Harry Potter & all the Characters...good ole' 2000!

And now, to get to the point of the "Final Countdown" blog title. Many might be wondering what that is about, & some may just well know.

You see, I, Hannah, was born on the 25th of July 1987. For those of you who aren't good at maths, this makes me 20 years old next Wednesday, a week from today. While I feel ready for this transition, I can't help but wonder where time went. It feels like just yesterday I was turning 16, and a few days before that turning 13. However, I will save all further reflections & resolutions for a blog next Wednesday (Maybe :P Who wants to spend their birthday on the computer!). But it's also nearly a year since I started my Cert 3 in Child Care, which I now posess. Interesting concept this thing known as time. And now, I should sign off...for any of my extended family who read this - hello! Can't wait to see you all soon! Love you stacks. And to my friends, hello also & leave me blog comments! LOL. It's so sad, who asks for those anymore?

Hanz.

 

 

 

 

 

And another song that says how I feel...but for reasons other than love. Please welcome Jeniffer Love Hewitt's old song "How Do I Deal"!

 

Verse I:
Everyday I wake-up to another day gone by
Nothing but the open roads and a never ending why
Anything can happen, yeah, but nothing ever does
I try to change, it's kinda strange
Same as it ever was
But look at us
Chorus:
How do I deal with you
How do I deal with me
When I don't even know myself, Or what it is you want from me.
How do I deal with us
How do I know what's real
When I don't even trust myself
Or what it is I feel
And how do I deal
Yeah
Verse II:
Every night in the dark I lie awake in bed
How am I supposed to dream, with all the static in my head
Torn in all directions baby, pray for some relief
What can i do but feel the weight I'm underneath
And grit my teeth
Chorus:
How do I deal with you
How do I deal with me
When I don't even know myself
Or what it is you want from me
How do I deal with love (Why do I) Why do I have to choose
Everybody's tellin me, what the hell I have to do
And how do I deal with us
How do I know what's real
When I don't even trust myself, Or what it is I feel
And how do I deal
Bridge:
(How do I deal with you) How do I deal with you
When I don't even know myself or what it is you want from me
(How do I deal with love) How do I deal
(Why do I have to choose) When everybody's telling me what the hell I
have to
do
Repeat chorus 1 time until music fades

Hey everyone! I'll post more life events later but right now wanted to post the lyrics to a new fave song of mine I've been listening to on repear just to try &  help me get through this.... please welcome the Everclear Song "Strawberry!" Excuse the swearing though.

 

Never been here, never coming back
Never want to think about the things
That happened today
Want to lay down on the warm ground
I think I'm going to need a little time to myself

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now



I ask you for a slow ride
Going nowhere
You look like Satan
You ask me if I want to get high
Couple of bags down in old town You tie your arm and
Ask me if I wanted to drive


Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now


Last thing I recall
I was in the air
I woke up on the street
Crawling with my strawberry burns
Ten long years in a straight line
They fall like water
Yes, I guess I fucked up again


Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

I've not been up to much aside from party planning.

Sort of given up on the jobsearching for a while too. :)

Street Ministry is going well & Peter is back from his long holiday which is awesome!

And now Don, our other staff member, is in hospital for an operation that's not gone ahead yet.

We're all looking foward to the mid year Christmas party this weekend! So exciting!

Oh, & I got Everclear's "Best Of" CD the other day & am totally LOVING IT!

I'm also loving the fact I just may be seeing the new Harry Potter movie next week.

I'm proud of Michael for getting a managerial traineeship where he works!

I'm proud of Dan & everyone else doing their HSC trials - Keep your heads up & I love you all!

Um, what else is there to write...

MY ROOM IS CLEAN!

Bahahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha.

Luv,

Hanz.

Hello all,

Well I'm still unemployed. People never call back when they say they will.

My week was productive- lots of cleaning & cooking & the like. :)

Lots of final preparation for Mum's 50th as well- which is going pretty well!

My weekend was good too. Friday night went to Katie's & hung out, wore crazy hats

& enjoyed each others company while watching a movie. Saturday Mum, Amanda &

I went to Ettalong & had lunch there before going to the markets, & having afternoon

tea with dad when he got there after doing a shift at work. And today I'm home,

before going to Night Church tonight. So all is pretty well. I'm pretty pleased, too,

because I finally got a basis to start writing Mum's 50th speech on & it's flowing now.

Other than that I feel extremely ready for my 20's on the 25th of July! YAY! Just

haven't organized anything for a celebration of my own yet :P If I did do something

it would be in August anyway! Well I'd best be going.

Luv,

Hanz.

 

I've been for 2 jobs in the past week...& am now only able to have the internet for 2 hours a day, which kind of sucks, but beats none!

Am waiting to hear about those 2 Jobs now. Other than that not much at all is going on, except I'm getting annoyed at less & less blogging

of mine nowdays! Miss you all & hope things are good.

Your friend,

Hanz.

 

That I really...Really...Unanimously (However you spell it!) REALLY should blog! So here I am, once again, to

return to give you a quick squizzer into my life. I haven't been posting much for a while, because really, not so

much is going on or I am too busy (lately it has been the latter) & so I no longer see the need to post something

every 2 days like I used to. Besides, it's not like a stack of people come & read this & comment- is it?!

Hehe, now that I've posted people probably will. Reverse psychology can be brilliant stuff!

Anywho, I can't remember what I wrote in my last post (that is somewhat sad...but you never know, at least

every post now is not going to be an outrageoulsy boring one!) But here goes! (This is gonna be GOOD!).

All the usual still applies....I've lost all the association with the Gym, I'm STILL trying to find work.... which

is still kind of a sucky & non-existent outcome- But I am trying now, which is more than I could say previously.

Winter Camp was last weekend, & although I will get to that in a minute I would just like to say now it is over

I am back to not having much other than Bible Study & Street Ministry to fill my days whilst jobsearching. My

planning for Mum's 50th celebrations are so on par I'm pretty impressed with myself really! That's about it.

Now to Winter Camp. It is a blessing to have got there (Yay for weather! - please not my sarcasm) & a blessing

to be there & a blessing from what I got out of it. It was great to catch up with everyone & to get away & really

have my focus put on God again & what he wants. I returned home with a newwer understanding & a renewed

faith, & so far things are going well I think! I miss everyone from Camp already. Stanwell Tops is a great site!

I guess the other also major bit of news is that I am seriously considering doing their Internship program, which

will allow me to become a leader as of next Winter Camp (& Internship, please remember, is the thing that scared

me stupid & I swore I would never be able to get through!). I'm not sure, I sort of feel like God wants me to trust

him & sign up for Internship, see if I get in & take things from there. It sort of feels like he wants me to lead, but

also to trust him that I will be able to understand, process & pass Internship...by taking the initial leap of faith.

However, I still have lots of time to think on it- applications are due into the PY office by the 1st of November! Haha!

There are stacks of people who have been and still would want me to apply for Internship though...you never know!

Ah, I lost my voice on camp! Was funny, but also kind of scary. I didn't lose it totally, just sounded like a 16 year old

male whose voice was breaking in! But now that it has recovered, I have myself a cold. I finally unpacked from camp

& cleaned my room today...however, I didn't "clean" all of it as extensively as I normally do, because I want it to give

me something to do this week! I've also started waging war on my internet addiction...although that will start again

this week, because a few days ago I had the most awesome moment of finding "Croc: Legend of the Gobbos" PC

game in a local Salvos store....and I brought it! &...to cut a long story short, It worked & I'm addicted to it again! Oh,

Childhood memories! LOL. Except I still don't know how to defeat that evil flying man...which is irritating me a LOT!

I have a stack of books that I'm armed with to help my battle. And I'm kind of disappointed because I took 2 books

with me on camp & somewhere between home & camp they have found themselves lost on their own adventure....

Which means it sucks to be me right now, as one of them was a new one I'd just started reading! And I'm returning

to Church tonight, for the 1st time in a while, which will be interesting. And now I'm getting sick of typing so I'd better

go! Hope this blog entry has satisfied you all for a while!

YSiC,

Hanz.

 

 

 

 

Dear Everyone, well my last day at the gym was today. Things went alright & I worked hard, it was just sad having to leave.

This week is the "Countdown to Winter Camp" week, & as of this moment there are approximately 2 days left to go....

Everyone seems to be so excited & yet so busy in the lead up to camp. And I myself have also been pretty busy. So much

so that I haven't even packed yet! (If Radar reads this- I can see you shaking your head with shame!). LOL!

Tonight I am going to the movies with my Bible Study group, to see a film about the first missionary expedition to Ecuador

about 50 years ago. So that will be a pretty interesting movie! Tomorrow morning we're having a house inspection (Ugh!)

& then I am going to Street Ministry (And also, will be starting to pack!) & then Friday morning I will be in at my employment

agency doing some Jobsearching (probably not enough to avoid me being officially kicked out on Tuesday!) & I will be packing,

& leaving the Coast at 5pm for THE most awesome weekend of the year! :) WOOHOO! I can't wait to see everyone, it's going to

be SO GOOD! But yeah, as you can see I'm keeping on my toes. And right now I'm thinking I should close this off & go have a

shower...but before I do- everyone stay safe & have fun on this June Long Weekend!

Hanz.

 

Nothing ever seems to go quite right in my life. I was due to start the cleaning position today, as well as still continuing with my

volunteer work at the gym. I thought things were going to be quite solid. But no, today I have to break a new world record by losing

TWO jobs in one day. Great, huh? But 1st I shall explain. I got a call this morning saying the gym had found out in the last 2 days that

by next Wednesday, they will have moved to premises on the other end of the coast to where I (and they) are situated at the present

time. The place they are moving has also pretty much no public transport... and since I have no car & no means of getting there, I cannot

continue with them. But anyway, their last cleaner finished up last week, so knowing I was going to be next in line, they told me & asked

if I still wanted to be employed for the week. So I said yes. And that was it- I now have a job for the next 6 days. The newsagency has

not called me to inform me of my status as of yet, but going by what was said at the interview I am assuming that I have missed out on

such a position, trying not to get my hopes up, but I still have 2 days to go to see what happens with that. But if that falls through, I am

back to having nothing. And my employment agency isn't happy with me- telling me that If I didn't have ex amount of work etc to show

for myself that I'd be kicked out of the agency permanently... And that's pretty convenient, considering all day I had forgotten it was

Wednesday...& I was meant to have a meeting with them this morning that, since I forgot it was Wednesday...I forgot to attend.

Life is going great. And now that you are up to date, I am sorry for wasting your time & emotions. The end.

 

 

Just thought I should take the time out to sit here & tell you I am now employed to work at the Gym, in a cleaning position which is

better than nothing at all! And this week I also find out if I have a newsagency job I went for- there's 2 positions going with that & it's

full time so I'm getting tired of the wait to hear back from them.

Other than that not much else has been happening other than getting totally psyched for WINTER CAMP 2007- as I know most of the

other crew going also are! Woohoo!

 

I had a job interview last friday which I think went very well. Got to wait another week or so before I get the results from it though!

I've decided to wage war on my internet and loud music addiction, by reading books and doing art & other creative things! So after

this blog I'm getting off the net and going to do something else! We'll see how long this lasts :P

Winter Camp is very very soon! And I'm really looking foward to it! :) Cleaned my room out the other day too! 98% done, just got

two more smaller jobs to do! So I'm pretty pleased with that. My back is still pretty sore every now  & then, although becoming

more frequent so I may have no choice but to get it checked out. Got 3 letters to write & not that much time to write them this week

so they will have to wait. Plans for Mum's 50th are going great, which is more than I expected of myself! But I'm pretty right with

things. I got a book at Koorong the other day "Living Between The Trapeezes" By Mark Pomery, which I think shall be good for me.

 And to finish off this blog I would just like to say I am obsessed with the song on the Shrek the 3rd ad- Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant

Song!" It's epic. Love to all!

 

Well people, I have been keeping pretty busy lately with job applications, interviews, preparing mum's 50th & the like. At

the present moment I am waiting to hear how my interview on Friday went (try waking up friday morning being asked if you

would do an interview that afternoon! lol). I also have a room to clean, but I am procrastinating. I wouldn't have HAD to clean

it if Mum had remembered where she put my Interview Portfolio! LOL. I think my Friday interview went very well.

Friday night I spent at home, but Kate (CHAMPION!) taught me how to start putting poetry onto photos...and hence on this

cold friday night, my dream was born into the start of some reality! :) Which is exciting. I woke up at 10 this morning & got

up in time to go out & support Matt playing on the Church Soccer Team, which was great fun, if not also scary in parts (Contact

sport is only for the bravest of brave...I salute you!). And tonight I have decided I am, in fact, going clubbing with friends I've

not seen since like January. So that will be interesting. I guess this means I've now filled you up on my life! YAY!

I'm really looking foward to going away on Winter Camp very shortly! ABOUT TIME! Haha! It'll be an awesome weekend

Must get going (to do what? LOL!).

Love,

Hanz.

 

Oh that SO is a winner when it comes to getting your attention.

And NO- I did not meet a boy crazy for me. You're just a sucker for false advertising!

I know...it sucks to be the average consumer, doesn't it. :P

Truth be known there's probably a lot of people who know me, saw the blog title & fainted.

(Although maybe something not as dramatic)- because me having an interested party is rare.

And the only reason I made this blog is because the "Summer Lovin'" song from Grease

was on...& so I decided to just go with the flow- how awesome of me!

Hope  you're all well.

 

Having only just discovered Radar's comments- I suddenly realise how long it's been since I said I'd write in here. Although, to my defense,

it is not as long as some other people I know leave their blogs unattended for *grins at Jono*. I sit here in my dressing gown at 3:19pm on a

May Sunday afternoon trying to think of all that has happened since I last properly wrote to you all. Forgive me for being so honest, or even

so dramatic, but I tell you the truth- as you know things have been rather up & down for me for a while. This year so far has been no

exception, & I see myself walking yet again through a dark period of my life...or should that be, STILL walking through one. Don't get me

wrong, every day is a different day, & there have been some wonderful, if not fleeting, moments of sunshine. Those who know me know what moments I am referring to. However, I have noticed a lot of change since I last wrote, & I find myself progressively sliding further & further down in the food chain of life, some may say depression- due to some circumstances, however I remain undiagnosed & so unable to make judgement & comment on such a serious issue. For the most part, I have been lying about my current state of mind- telling people I am fine, when really I'm not all that well. It is not because I want to lie to you, it is because I wish to slip un-noticed & cause you no upset by

not dumping everything on you. Most people I think, have been able to see through me. If not outrightly, I believe they have seen the change by noticing I'm not as I once was. I was in a very low point there for a while, which lead to mum rescuing my own life, & I now believe her to be a God-send that day. I was tempted to go down the very wrong path & give up on things, but God kept me stronger than that. Now, I am in a period that is dark, but not quite as dark as the lure of suicide. For some reason I see no sense in such an act anymore, & just get up each day in order to "plod along". I have no idea where my life is going nor if it will ever kick off, it seems to be taking a long while now I'm post school. Lately I have been unmotivated to do anything much at all, hence why this blog has suffered. I have most of the time not left the house, preferring to stay home & in my Pj's. If I do go out, it is preferable to be around a smaller amount of people- I find myself intimidated & lost among large crowds now & ultimately am uncomfortable & no longer in my element. I feel like I haven't got much to offer or contribute to anything, feeling different to other peers, & so have stepped down from the rather large circles of friends I know. I've had fights with a number of friends, & also pretty much cut contact with a whole lot of the "friends" I'd known the longest. I have stepped down from Sunday School leading at Church for the next 2 terms or so & have also stopped going to Church altogether for the time being, however I am still attending Bible Study each week. For the past term or so I have been very sick on a regular basis, or often quite tired & just wanting to stay in bed for long periods of time (sometimes up to 3 times a day). I have been having bad dreams on & off for the past few months, & it is unfortunate for me to remember every detail from each dream that I have. I have lost passion for some of the things I love & some of the things I used to enjoy, & now more or less find even the smallest, simplest of things a burden to carry out. (However- please do not take offence at this, I enjoy being social but have only been finding it more difficult lately- it's nothing against you). I'm rather looking foward to Winter Camp, however. The whole "God" and "Christian" thing has been something I've been finding very discouraging & almost disagreeing with lately- even though that is my life, the roots of my being- part of me, if not all of me, has turned away in a sense. I find it hard to trust him at the moment through the rough currents of life. I had for a while there (when I was suicidal) been tempted to touch the alcohol to abuse it, however I still know better than that, & haven't been touching it for abuse purposes. A lot of the times lately I've just wanted to be alone, which may suprise some people as I was forever going out. I've had the last 2 weekends at home- not because I didn't wish to be out but because I was sick. I do not really feel as though I am a part of things or with purpose anymore. And I guess that's all that is left to say at the moment. It's just how things are & have been & I hope to Goodness that this blog has not offended or upset anyone. Please do not label me incorrectly, just see me as a human being who has struggles, too. Thankyou. 

Tomorrow! :) Just realised long time no blog & now I don't have time to write a full one. But I swear, tomorrow a blog will appear in full!

Love to all!

Hanz.

 

I just might break something tonight! Ah Limp Bizkit songs aye. So angsty. LOL.

Well my week wasn't the best. Don't really want to focus on it nor write too much here.

Good Friday was good- went out for traditional breakfast, went to the church service & then had movie arvo at Matt & Matt's.

Hope everyone has a Happy & Safe Easter. :)

Catch ya's!

(I'm really tired right now).